Why I hate Recruitment Agencies

Decided to make a one-off rant about recruitment agencies, purely because if I don't then I will strangle someone, and absolutely not because I am unemployed and have nothing better to do.


1) Their cold, dead, money-grabbing hands.
Recruitment is not about helping people. I know this because, in my eternal hunt for a job, I have come across numerous applications for them. I even once saw a recruitment agency recruiting a recruitment consultant for another recruitment agency. What? Recruitmentception? Are they incapable of finding one themselves? Doesn't that undermine the whole purpose of your company? Apparently not, but whatevs.

In fact some brazen Recruitment Agent applications have even stated that if you want to help people, you "needn't apply". Recruitment is a sales role. It's about cold calling people and companies. I can understand that it's a huge industry, and indeed brings in a lot of monies to the right people. In fact it's one of the jobs out there that almost exclusively rewards you for the effort you put into it. That sounds like a good thing, right? Maybe it is, but it's not so nice to be on the receiving end of a phone call at 8:00am or 7:30pm just because Joe Bloggs from Twat & Twattson Recruitment has decided to put a few extra hours in, and naturally assumes everyone else is fine with being called up at stupid hours. I wouldn't even mind if I thought it would be for a job that I'm actually suited to, but when I get called up about a placement in central Berkshire when I clearly state on everything I sign myself up for that I'd prefer to stay around the area I actually live, it gets a bit exhausting.

2) The phrase "An exciting opportunity has arisen..."
 Seriously. Get some new vocab. Open a thesaurus or something.


3) Chinese Whispers 
 On the rare occasion that something is actually suited to me, and I get an actual interview, I'd rather not have to wait three days so that a recruitment agency can attempt to contact whoever it is I'm actually applying with to find something out, to then have to relay it back to me. This often (in my case at least) leads to errors in communication, and would be solved a lot easier if I could just get to talk to the actual employer, whoever that is (I'll get onto that later). I once had an interview (which I failed) in which my feedback (given first to the recruitment agent, then from them to me) was actually nothing to do with anything that happened or was asked in the interview.

"Hello? Yeah, sorry you've been unsuccessful"

"Ah, okay. Any particular reason?"

"Yeah the guy said you could have related your skills to the job a bit more, apparently you were asked what your main achievement in life was and you said it was something involving a Butchers and a Library"

(Shortened, but this conversation did more or less actually happen. Anyone who knows me at all would probably guess that Butcher's and Libraries aren't exactly top on my list of "Greatest Achievement in my Life", and have in fact set foot in a Butcher's shop about twice in my entire life.)



4) "My client...."
Yeah, who is that exactly? It seems tradition for recruitment agencies to post as little information about a job as humanly possible on the advert, so without having Sherlock Holmes next to you you kinda have to guess for whom or what you are actually applying for. This can lead to problems when asked questions such as:

"Why do you want this job?"
"Why are you suitable for this role?"

What is this incapability of being able to tell you who you're applying for? It would certainly help me to improve an application if I have at least a vague idea of the company's core cultural values, or what the job even is.

5) Ruthless, Rude, and Inconsiderate
Now, this doesn't actually apply to all of them. I did in fact come across one recruitment agent who was the most polite and pleasant character I have met in my journey to finding a job, who seemed genuinely interested in getting me the role, was contacting me for updates, and was generally very helpful. The majority of others however, are 5-10 minute phone calls in which I get some questions barked at me and then hung up on before I can even find out what job they had in mind for me. The hang ups generally happen at those 8:00am calls, in which I get asked "is this a convenient time...?" I say yes, despite having been awake for a few seconds, and realise with a sinking feeling that I am in fact in no position to be trying to make myself sound employable.

If they really think ringing people up at that time and expecting people to have tailor made answers to questions relating to job roles which they probably barely know anything about in the first place, then recruitment agencies are obviously as stupid as they look, sound, act and are.

Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned normal interview? Why does everything have to be done over the phone, in which you have absolutely no time to prepare yourself for it? I know that doesn't apply exclusively to recruitment agencies, but it's a major part. I'm sure it's a good way to grab out those who are gifted with being able to bullshit their way in and out of everything and answer every potential question perfectly. Dicks. Phone interviews would still be unpredictable and annoying even if they weren't retarded, which they are. (Sidenote: It would be a lot easier if I knew who was going to be ringing me, so I could do some research!)


6) "I'm ringing regarding the job you applied for..."
For people like me, desperately seeking a job so as to not look at Jeremy Kyle and briefly feel to be on the same social level as the people on it, we tend to apply for jobs. A lot of jobs in fact. So to get a call from someone whose name means nothing to you because you applied with ten different recruitment agencies, and then to be asked about "the job you applied for", please please please don't make me have to guess what job you're actually talking about. No, I am not going to ask which job you mean, because that would make me look incompetent and obviously unsuitable for whatever the job is. It's almost as bad as being asked "What are your hobbies?", which makes you quickly panic and start thinking:

"Hobbies? Oh shit, do I even have any? What do I do in my spare time? What do I even like? Oh god, WHO AM I?"

So you inevitably answer with the usual. "I like to socialise, go swimming in my spare time, and travel." Who doesn't like travelling? Just for shits and giggles I might one day answer "Nah, actually I'm quite fond of staying right where I am. Never like to be more than 20 feet away from the toaster, or the kettle". Incidentally, Miranda Hart's "Is it just me?" is quite a good read, and the above sentence was in fact lifted straight from it. Just thought I'd mention that to avoid being taken to court. You know how it is.

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So, there you have it. I feel a lot better now. Maybe now I can go job searching with renewed vigor, and perhaps veto recruitment agencies altogether. I guess that would be somewhat hard, especially if I do want to actually get a job. They're not that bad I guess, for the people they do actually succeed in finding jobs for. For myself, however, that success is still pending.

Kind Regards,
A Jobless Bum

Edit: As of 2013, I do indeed have a job now! And it wasn't through a recruitment agency! GET IN!